Nothing to Say
by Ambrel
Summary: It was just one of those moments where you just couldn’t find the right words… where there simply were no right words at all. *Character Death*


He hadn't moved in three hours.

It was heart wrenching, watching him stand there on the end of the runway like that, but there wasn't really too much that anyone could think of to do. There was nothing anyone could say. It was just one of those moments where you just couldn't find the right words… where there simply were no right words at all.

So she sat and watched from a respectable distance, saying nothing but wishing she knew some way to ease the pain she knew that he was going through. The sun was at her back and it threw her shadow in a long stream in his direction. His face was a series of contrasting angles, harsh in the light yet softened in the valleys of his features. Like ink against paper, the tracks of the tears he shed turned his visage into something strange and ethereal. It was just something no one would ever expect to see from the normally happy-go-lucky sky knight.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing of all were those tears. No sobs accompanied them. No trembling lip or shuddering breathing. No erratic movements whatsoever. Just a far off stare and a semi constant flow of tears that traced the angles of his cheeks from his eyes down to his jaw line before they dripped intermittently into the gusty atmosphere that surrounded the ship as it cruised through the air. If she had been of a more fanciful mind, Piper would have mused about the fact that Aerrow had literally cried over hundreds of miles of land in his mourning.

Such thoughts were far from her mind right now, though. Instead, the more immediate concerns invaded. She was worried about her friend. It had only been a few hours since it had happened, and she was worried that it was still too soon to talk to Aerrow about it, but there wasn't exactly much luxury to give in to personal feelings, no matter how justified. Soon enough, Aerrow would be required to forgo his own concerns and act as the fearless leader once again, and Piper knew that he would just bottle his frustrations up inside. Who did he have to turn to, after all?

Piper herself could feel the fatigue and the melancholy that the day's events had bestowed upon her. She had just finished up a bout of tears herself, though she was no where near as poetic and silent in her moments of weakness. All day, the crew had been either locking themselves away in their rooms so no one could see them cry, or throwing themselves headlong into work or something that could just take their minds off of it all. No one had seen or heard from Aerrow since that morning, and everyone thought it was best to leave well enough alone.

But it was early afternoon now. Everyone was getting restless with no direction and little to dwell on aside from the tragedy that occurred. Unfortunately for Aerrow, he was needed more by the living now, than the dead.

Piper knew she had to rouse him from his reverie, but she was loathe to do it for some strange reason. Maybe it was just the way that he was standing with his arms crossed and chin high, staring out into the rolling endless clouds that billowed out in the wake of the Condor. Perhaps it was the stoic tears that seemed so out of place on his face. Or she simply didn't want to break into his thoughts when he probably would not have the time to himself to think much at all when things started to get back to a semblance of normal. The straight lines of his posture indicated strength and a will so resolute that nothing in these skies could shake it, but the pain in the green eyes reminded her of a vulnerable young man who had just lost his best friend in all the world, and the wound that it created in his heart was huge, bleeding, and raw.

"Why did he have to die?" came Aerrow's voice in a whisper that Piper would hardly have been able to believe could come from him had she not watched his mouth move with the words. So much naked pain in his eyes and the quavering way in which he spoke was at complete odds to his normal character. She found herself speechless, not only moved by the depth of feeling she could sense roiling under the surface of the sky knight, but also at her own failure to grasp the answer to such a simple question.

She took a few steps forward and put her hand on his shoulder. She could feel the skin beneath the cloth tighten in response to her touch and he looked down at her. Now that she had a different angle at which to see him, the tear tracks no longer looked like stark markings against his face, but more like silvery tracings that spoke volumes about a subject that no one could really articulate. Under her hand, she could feel muscles that were drawn tighter than Finn's bowstring. He was quivering with held in emotion that he knew he could never give voice to. He was brimming with it. It was like watching a dam that strained at its limit, but refused to buckle and break. It was as though he simply kept shoring himself up against the pressure that had no where to go and no way to let up.

If she let him alone, it would surely crush him in time. After today… perhaps sooner than later.

Aerrow took a deep breath. It was not wavering of shaky, but Piper could feel the tension all the same.

"Aerrow… I don't know why. But… we know that it would probably happen. At least…"

Piper stopped. Platitudes were just empty words right now. Nothing she could think of would help. Most of it seemed so condescending in the face of his pain.

Instead, she drew him close and put her arms around him, pulling his head to rest against her shoulder. He resisted for a long moment before he surrendered himself to her embrace, seemingly only tolerating it for her benefit. Piper said nothing, just started rubbing her knuckles over his upper back in a slow, smooth motion.

It was a friendly embrace, an embrace that friends shared. A way of touching without embarrassment or shame. Aerrow still held himself together as much as he could, but Piper could tell when the first crack began to show in the dam that was Aerrow's resolve. His entire body began to quiver, minute and barely noticeably at first, then the tremors grew stronger. Soon enough, it affected his breathing and before she knew it, his arms were no longer looped casually around her shoulders, but they had taken her up into a desperate grip.

His face was buried in her neck and two hot trails of tears blazed down her skin to stain her shirt with their saltiness. He took one…two…three shuddering breaths, silent, before a low gasp emitted from somewhere in the bottom of his throat, sounding more like the cry of a wounded animal than the sounds a grown man might make. And then his voice… it sounded as though it would break her heart just by listening to it. "He's gone, Piper. He's gone. Why did he have to go?"

She could think of nothing to say. So she simply stood there in his arms as he let all of his fears and frustrations vent out of him, coming forth like a lanced wound. She listened to his fears and misgivings, his anger, his suppressed emotions that never had the opportunity to be voiced because of the sole fact that he was the leader of the squadron. But even though all of his cares were coming out, everything rounded right back to his original questions.

"Why did he have to die?"

Piper had no answer. In reality, there was no answer that would be satisfactory. The simple fact that certain species had shorter life spans than others would have fallen short and useless on Aerrow's ears. There was no real way to comfort him with words, so Piper didn't even try. Her hand at his back, rubbing small circles into his shoulders, provided a constant that he desperately clung to as the pressures of his life grew and built up before they finally released in a flood of hurt, anger, fear, and loss.

He began to talk. He spoke of everything, from fear during the missions, his lack of confidence that he felt sometimes as a leader, his despair of ever defeating his sworn foes, to things as small as his annoyance at some of Finn's escapades and Stork's paranoia. It went on like this for a time, whether it was only moments or an hour, Piper couldn't be sure, but she could tell that this was something that Aerrow definitely needed but was unable to articulate to anyone. It was something that he was not supposed to show to the others. It was weakness.

Soon enough, he had talked himself out. He was still clinging to her, though he was no longer tight with held in emotion. Now he was loose with exhaustion, as the letting of such built up toxic emotions tends to tire the body while rejuvenating the soul. He stepped back from her, slightly unsteady on his feet, but still able to stand strong in the face of his agony.

An unspoken word of thanks passed from his gaze to her, and the two turned back toward the hangar. Every now and then, Aerrow would rub his shoulder where Radarr had once perched almost constantly, his face grave, but the tears had stopped. His eyes were dry and his cheeks were no longer wet. He followed Piper into the ship and they walked in companionable silence to his room, where Radarr's bed was laid out. Its occupant was curled up comfortably, the fur now mottled with age and his whiskers long and curling. Aerrow put his hand to the creature's cheek.

"He looks like he's sleeping."

Piper nodded. There was a lump in her throat that she could barely speak around. "I'm glad he was peaceful."

Aerrow nodded. There didn't seem to be much to say. They stood there for a while.

"I…"

Piper glanced over at her leader. He had tears glistening in his eyes again.

"I miss him, Piper." This time, his voice cracked, like the young boy he used to be.

She reached out and rested her hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

There just wasn't anything she could say.

OOO

And yet another character death story, since that seems to be one of the more popular ones that people are voting for in my poll in my profile. Let me know how I did. This one is a polar opposite of my other one. It just sort of popped up in my mind and demanded to be written.

I realize it may have gone a little fast. I hope I kept the time flow constant, but that seems to be a problem I have with my stories for some reason.

This story is set about 5 or 6 years in the future. I have no idea how long Radarr… whatever species he is, lives, but I do know that he was supposed to have been with Aerrow since he was very young. I figure he probably lives a bit longer than a dog, so Aerrow and Piper are in their late teens, early twenties in this fic.

I don't know if I should just leave this as a standalone or not, because I can actually see this going off in another direction, maybe Piper/Aerrow, even though this beginning only portrays them as friends. Any inputs would be appreciated.

Any grammatical mistakes and typos… please forgive me. I am a little tired at the moment. But I hope you enjoyed the story.

Thank you for reading.


End file.
